What can you do if you feel your child is a perfectionist? Learn how to teach kids its okay not to be a perfectionist.
“Mom, I messed up! Can I start over?”
If you’ve ever heard that, you know how heartbreaking it can be to watch your child crumble over a small mistake. You want them to care about doing their best — but not to the point where they’re afraid to try unless everything’s perfect.
Here’s the truth: our kids don’t need to be perfect — they need to be brave.
They need to know that mistakes aren’t failures; they’re stepping stones to growth.
So how do we actually teach that? Let’s talk about simple, everyday ways to help kids let go of perfection and embrace learning with confidence. Let’s learn how to teach kids its okay not to be a perfectionist!
Show Them Your Own Mistake
Kids don’t need perfect parents — they need real ones.
When you burn dinner, forget something important, or just plain mess up, don’t hide it. Laugh about it. Talk about it.
“Oops, that didn’t work out how I planned! I’ll try again next time.”
When they see you handle mistakes calmly, they learn that messing up isn’t the end of the world — it’s just part of being human.
Praise the Effort, Not the End Result
Instead of “You’re so smart!” try things like:
- “You worked really hard on that.”
- “I love how you didn’t give up.”
When kids hear that effort matters more than perfection, they stop tying their self-worth to being flawless — and start focusing on learning.
Talk About the “Learning Zone
Here’s a fun way to explain it:
- Comfort Zone: Things we already know how to do.
- Learning Zone: Where we make mistakes and get better.
- Panic Zone: When something feels too hard or scary.
Mistakes live in the Learning Zone — and that’s actually where our brains grow the most. The next time your child says, “I can’t do this,” remind them, “That’s your brain growing right now!”
Share “Oops” Stories
Kids love stories — and stories about mistakes can be powerful.
Tell them about inventors, artists, or athletes who failed over and over before succeeding.
Or even better, make it a family habit:
“What was your oops moment today?”
Celebrate those moments. They build confidence and remind kids that everyone slips up — even Mom and Dad.
Make Room for Imperfection
Give kids chances to create without worrying about “getting it right.”
Let them paint outside the lines, build wild Lego towers, or tell goofy stories.
Hang up the “imperfect” artwork proudly. Praise their creativity. The goal isn’t perfection — it’s expression.
Help Them Rethink That Inner Voice
Perfectionists often have a harsh little voice in their heads. Teach your kids how to challenge it.
Instead of “I can’t do this,” try:
- “I can’t do this yet.”
- “Mistakes help me learn.”
- “Good enough is great.”
Over time, those small mindset shifts make a big difference.
Set Realistic Goals
Sometimes kids (and adults) think everything has to be perfect the first time.
Remind them that goals can be flexible. Encourage progress, not perfection.
You can say, “Let’s focus on improving one step at a time,” or “You don’t need to do it all today — just start.”
Read About It Together
Books are amazing for starting these conversations. Some great ones to check out:
- Beautiful Oops! by Barney Saltzberg
- The Girl Who Never Made Mistakes by Mark Pett
- Ish by Peter H. Reynolds
- Your Fantastic Elastic Brain by JoAnn Deak
Read them together and talk about the characters — what did they learn when things didn’t go perfectly?
Teaching kids it’s okay not to be perfect doesn’t mean telling them not to try hard.
It means teaching them that mistakes don’t define them — their courage and curiosity do.
When kids understand that “good enough” can still be great, they become braver, happier learners.
And honestly? That’s a lesson most of us could use too.
